Sunday, September 24, 2006

Turning Point

When I was growing it, I was so competitive. It was all about working hard and studying hard and making the grade. I wanted to be first in my class in high school, to graduate with honors from college, get into the top graduate school, so on and so forth. It was a never ending treadmill of never wanting to be less than the best. I was always waiting for the promotion, the delivery of a big project, and the next challenge. I put off having children as long as I could to ensure I had sufficient time to get to that next level. But things started to change last year. Our parents were getting older, and my father-in-law's health was deteriorating. My grandmother had a mild stroke and her heart trouble was getting worse. So we decided to start trying. And 6 weeks later, we were expecting Jonathan. At first I was not sure how I felt about it. To get off the fast track and try motherhood was a huge unknown to me. Being a mommy has no great milestone. No promotions, no appreciation, no feedback. It is an amorphous experience that has mysterious and inconsistent rewards. It is funny how my life has reached this turning point. And you know, I am happier than I have ever been. I go out more, have more connection to friends and family, and am generally even if better health than I ever had been before. I love being a mother in a way I never expected. The first few weeks were hard and the pregnancy was pretty difficult, but now that Jonathan is here, I cannot imagine life without him. I find myself different than before. I am more forgiving, and more open, and friendlier than I have ever been before. I am happy in a way I never thought possible. What is most amazing is that I used to skip Bible Study, birthday parties and dinners because I was so tired or stressed. I just wanted to come home and crawl into bed. But after I became a mother, I have more energy and enthusiasm than ever. This is the hardest job I have ever had, but I love everyday with Jonathan. A few of my friends commented at how much my attitude has changed. A workaholic career woman, embracing a whole new life. Who would have thought?

6 Comments:

Blogger Corinnexxx said...

What a beautiful post! Look how fast he is changing! such a cute picture! and I JUST LOVE the new chipboard books you are bringing to memory trends!

corinnexxx

9/26/2006 12:03:00 AM  
Blogger Shirley said...

Adorable picture! Funny how one look, one smile, one laugh, etc. can just give you energy and joy like nothing else.....

9/26/2006 04:21:00 AM  
Blogger SageHen said...

What a beautiful child. If I were you I would just sit and hold him all day long. He is so precious, no wonder he has changed you so profoundly.

9/26/2006 07:22:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

wow... great insight! thanks for sharing!

9/26/2006 07:26:00 AM  
Blogger ~Jamie said...

I am total and complete understanding... it is hard to believe that it is such a great, amazing fulfilling, yet thankless, endless job. :) hehe but I want another one!

9/26/2006 11:07:00 PM  
Blogger Amy Sorensen said...

I like your description of motherhood as amorphrous---that is a great word. It definitely is a hard thing, being a mom.But worth the rewards and I am so happy Jonathan has made you even happier!

9/29/2006 08:51:00 AM  

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