Anticipation... (some journaling for my scrapbook page)

Today, my baby is nearly 200 days old. Part of me wishes the day would come when he is here with me. And part of me wishes the day would never come. I have such conflicting feelings about the day I meet our baby face to face. He has been part of me for over 7 months and each day as he grows, I grow to love him more and more, and I am excited to get to know him. But part of me is afraid. Inside of me, my baby is protected from the world. He does not know pain, disappointment or sickness. He is insulated from the ills that abound. I can hold him safe and protected deep inside. But once he is out and about, he faces all of the hidden dangers out there. He will be so small and vulnerable, facing a world of unknowns. And everyday, he will be subject to the trials and tribulations of the world - things I cannot protect him from. But he will also know the joy of feeling the sunshine on his face and the glee of running barefoot in the grass – things that he can never enjoy until he is part of the world. The day is coming soon when I will finally look into his eyes and hold him in my arms. Though I know him in my heart and feel his little kicks along my belly, I cannot wait for the day when I will know his personality and cries. I look forward to hearing his voice say “Mommy” for the first time, and I cannot wait to have him run into my arms from across the room. Though I am fearful for him, I also have hope. Hope that he will grow to a baby, child and man in his own right – someone who will know that the love of his parents will always be his. So as God creates him everyday from his Daddy and me, I anticipate his arrival into the world. Only 84 days and counting...